Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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