I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
