True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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