Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
