Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
