the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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