we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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