whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I sprained my soul last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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