She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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