Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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