I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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