Soap is not a condiment
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
