She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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