That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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