I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
