I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
