hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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