We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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