I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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