how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
