And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize