I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
