I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
