Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
