porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
