I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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