our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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