Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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