i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
