i permit you to call me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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