yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
