sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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