I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
