I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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