Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
