I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
