How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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