I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
