Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
