this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
