question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
