dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
