Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
