My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
