Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
