I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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