your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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