Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
