nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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