how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize