I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
