nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
