i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also, beer. Big fan.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
