I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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