White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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