textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
