The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
