I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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