Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
