Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
